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This is the final episode that will be available from the Shameless series podcast.

(For those looking for Weeks 5 & 6, they are not going to be available. Week 5 was people sharing their personal stories, which I want to honor and let them share when and where they want to. And Week 6—well…. let’s just say that technology failed me once again. Sorry)

Validation Video

At the beginning of the class watched the following video about validation. I’d suggest watching it first before listening to the episode so you know what we’re talking about.

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We all live in one of three time zones (as described by Leo Babauta on ZenHabits):

1. “The Past—Reliving things we messed up about. Being embarrassed about something we did. Wishing we could have something back that is gone. Living in memories of good times past. Being angry about things done to us. You get the idea.
2. The Future—Worrying about things we need to do later. Worrying about what might happen, or a big event coming up. Being anxious that things might go wrong, or that we might mess up. Hoping for something wonderful. Dreaming of great things to come.
3. The Present—What is happening right now, at this moment. What we are doing now.”

When we spend a lot of time in the first two time zones, we miss out on life in the here and now. We miss our son’s smile, our wife’s glance, the amazing colors of that flower bouquet, or the sound and performance of that beautiful 1953 Chevy Corvette.

Life happens in the here and now. It is always the here and now, never the future or the past.

Checking Out And Getting Lost

You might find that you have a hard time staying present. You fight day dreaming or playing the “If only I had….” game. Being overwhelmed with regret and disappointment, or being filled with anxiety and shame about the future can steal the really good moments of life.

The good news is, these things can be overcome as you learn how to become more present.

4 Tips To Becoming Present

The following 4 Tips really work well. Give yourself 2 weeks, try them out every day, and see how your perspective starts to change.

1. Pay Attention – When you have idle time at a stop light or in a line at the grocery, for example, pay attention. Instead of letting your mind run ahead of you thinking about the route to your destination and possible traffic delays, or the list of errands that have to be completed after the grocery run, take a moment to pay attention. Turn off the radio in the car, roll down the windows and witness the traffic going in the cross direction, the jogger getting his morning run, the trees dancing in the wind, listen to the birds chirp, and the rustling of leaves. You only have to do it for a few moments, but it’s a good start.
2. Observe – Next time you’re in a meeting, observe what is going on. It’s a bit more than paying attention in duration. Paying attention is on a trigger basis. Observation is like watching a movie on a screen. Watch the players in action. Watch the body language. Listen for intonations. Do not speak. This can be a very powerful tool as you sit and take in everything that is playing out. You have nothing at stake in the grand scheme of things, but watch as you are able to respond perfectly when questioned. You will be surprised.
3. Breathe – When you’re ready to go beyond moments and minutes, try paying attention to your breath before you drift off to sleep. Before you drift off to sleep, spend 15 minutes paying attention to the rise and fall of your belly. If you feel yourself drifting off to sleep, or notice that your mind has wondered, gently bring it back to your belly. You could even put a book on it and watch it rise and fall.
4. Meditate – You can now begin to establish a sitting practice. It is the practice of sitting still for about 30 minutes in silence. Let your thoughts go. When you realize that your mind is chasing your thoughts, bring it back to your breath. Just be still. Nothing to do or think about. Nothing to ponder, just be.

By the way… thanks to ZenHabits for allowing the use of these great tips.

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Do you believe that you can change?

I’m not talking about the everyday lip service that you tell yourself. I’m talking about deep down, in your gut, where it really matters belief. Do you believe that you can actually change?

Can you see yourself as someone completely different?

What Is Openness

Letting go of the self-defeating beliefs and considering new possibilities is called Openness. Its maintaining an emotional posture of suspended belief.

• “What if I’m not as bad as I think I am?”
• “What if that mistake isn’t as bad as I think it is?”
• “What if my wife really does forgive me?”

If you’re wrestling with shame, you spend a lot of emotional energy defending lies you believe about yourself. After all, you’re convinced they have to be true.

But what if you’re wrong? What would be different in your life?

Session Three

In the third week of the Shameless series, we looked as several movie clips from Patch Adams and Good Will Hunting. If you’re looking for a couple good movies for the weekend, either one would be a good recommendation (Be aware that Good Will Hunting set a record for the number of times the ‘F’ bomb was dropped… not a young child movie).

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, things just don’t work out the way you want them to.

Double Failure

Normally when I speak I have two different ways of recording the presentation—audio only and video. Last night, for Week 2 of the Shameless series, I set both of those up and hit record. After the presentation I checked the audio recording and found out that I only recorded the first 7 minutes.

No problem, I’ll just pull the audio from the video and use that for the podcast.

As you guessed, this morning I found out that the video also bombed and didn’t capture the audio.

So, the second week of Shameless is NOT available via podcast. Very sorry!

Mistakes and failures show up in the most unexpected places and at times that are highly inconvenient. I feel bad that I can’t make this available to those that might want it. A few years ago I know I would have been beating myself up pretty badly because I would be afraid of how I looked or what others thought of me.

As I’ve worked through many of my shame issues, I’m glad to say that my worth and value are based on more than a simple audio recording. I’ve learned to give myself permission to make mistakes—even very public ones. I hope many of you can learn how to become comfortable with your imperfections as well.

Read Instead Of Listen

In preparation for the Shameless class I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s The Gifts Of Imperfection. Since I don’t have a podcast for you this week, I’d strongly encourage you to get a copy and read through some of the important concepts she shares about overcoming shame.