About Paul Elmore
Hi. I'm Paul.
I'm a counselor in Portland, OR, specializing in Sexual Abuse Recovery and Sexual Addiction. You can find out more about my education and experience here.
Resources
Video: How To Live In The Moment
Imagine what it would be like discovering the world around you moment by moment. We too often get lost in our heads, assuming we know more about the world than we truly do, that we miss the subtle things like sounds, and smells, and the feel of the moments we are in.
Watch this video and see the world through the eyes of blind girl discovering her world.
Video: What Is Your Perspective?
Stacey Kramer describes how an unexpected event in her life gave her gifts she could ever imagine. Enjoy this TED Talk.
The Man’s Group
“Nice guys have been conditioned to believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will be loved, get what they want, and have a smooth life.” In reality, this strategy leaves men frustrated, lonely, and usually in relationships that are highly disappointing.
In The Man’s Group you’ll be using hands-on activities to challenge those beliefs and risk living differently. You’ll learn how to stand up for yourself and relate to other people in healthier ways. You’ll discover that it is okay to meet your own needs instead of trying to manipulate others. You’ll know what it’s like to be honest and upfront without having to hide what you’re really thinking. You’ll finally find some peace and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you.
This Group Is For You If…
- You work hard to get other people to like you?
- You hide your perceived flaws and mistakes?
- You’re always sacrificing your needs for other people?
- You feel like things don’t go your way and are always against you?
- It is easier to connect with women more than men?
- Your marriage or dating life less-than-satisfying?
- It feel like there should be more to life?
- It feel like you’re not living up to your full potential?
What We’ll Be Doing
- Working through the hands-on activities in Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy.
- Creating personal goals and holding each other accountable to reach those goals.
- Learning how to build healthy relationships with other men.
- Learning how to recover from personal failures.
Date & Time
Monday Nights for 12 weeks
September 13th – November 29, 2010
7:00 – 8:30 pm
Location
Wister Park Professional Building
11630 SE 40th Ave.
Milwaukie, OR 97222
Driving Directions
Fees
$325 for 12 weeks.
Discount price—$300 if paid on or before September 16th, 2010.
Optional Book Cost— $15.00 — No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
All fees are non-refundable
Online Application
Acceptance into The Man’s Group requires a personal interview and is dependent upon the approval of the leader.
- Step One—Please read the Code of Conduct.
- Step Two—Fill out the Online Application.
- Step Three—Online Payment Options
Paul Elmore the Podcast
For those who want to listen to some of my recent speaking engagements, you can subscribe to my new podcast via iTunes or listen to the most recent series online at Failure101.org.
Comments Appreciated
If you do get a chance to have a listen, it would be great if you would leave a comment either here or especially on iTunes and tell me how you like it.
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Video—Kids As Entrepreneurs
Purposeful parents see opportunity in everything. This lecture from shows how to raise your kids to think like an entrepreneur and become independent and successful.
The Addictive Personality
I have lots of books in my office. But there are a few books that never seem to make it off my desk and back onto the shelf because I refer to them so often. I mentioned one of those books, No More Mr. Nice Guy, in a posts a few days ago. The other book that seems to have a permanent spot on my desk is The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken.
I’ve been reading the sections on family systems, shame, abuse, and neglect lately and I’ve trying to put together a post describing each one. I’ve been wanting to put the concepts into my own words but find myself not being able to improve on the clarity and directness of Nakken. So… below are a few important thoughts, in Nakken’s own words.
“Whether to trust or not is a question that gets answered early in our lives, and is learned within our homes. It’s part of the language we learn; it’s part of the worldview we are given. When the time comes to leave our homes, we usually look for people who share the same worldview and who speak the same language.”
“To develop as a child one needs input, interaction, and nurturing. In neglectful families, children don’t get this. They take up space, but they never know if they are important. The self inside such people becomes underdeveloped.”
Manhood Not Working For You?
If you’re a man I want you to read the following list:
- Seeking the approval of others.
- Trying to hide your perceived flaws and mistakes.
- Putting other people’s wants and needs before your own.
- Sacrificing your personal power and playing the role of the victim.
- Distancing yourself from other men.
- Creating relationships that are less than satisfying.
- Failing to live up to your full potential.
Each of these things are common ways men try to get love and acceptance. And yet, they don’t work. If you’re interested in learning how to relate in an entirely different, and more effective way, I suggest picking up a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Read it and then memorize it.
“Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.” Robert Glover.
Motivating Kids
Lately, I’ve been reading (actually audio booking) John Lehrer’s book How We Decide. It is a thought provoking work on the importance of emotions in our decision making skill sets. In the book, he’s been discussing the importance of learning from our mistakes and how failure is necessary to teach us important lessons. He calls it “the building blocks of knowledge.”
One of the things I wish I had done differently with my own children is embrace the trials and errors each one of them made. As children they simply tried things out to see what happened. Usually, this ended up costing me either time, money, or paint. I wish that I held onto the temporal, inconsequential things a little more loosely and embraced the joy of watching my children learn. Those trial and errors they made could have been building self confidence, resilience, and knowledge. They could have learned that they are capable of learning well instead of worrying about having to do everything perfectly.
What will it cost you to let your own children learn by trial and error? How capable are you of encouraging your children instead of scolding them?
Imagination
“Imagination is the power that enables us to empathize with humans who’s experiences we have never shared.”
JK Rowlings
Uncomfortable Conversations
“What we fear doing is most usually what we need to do. A person’s success in life can be measured by how many uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. Resolve to do one thing every day that you fear.”
Tim Ferriss
