When things are at the breaking point, its difficult to know what the next step is. Before making a decision that has long-reaching consequences, it would be wise to see if there are other viable options. For couples at the end of their rope I provide a practical frame work where each person can catch their breath, look at the situation without the intense pressure, and make the best long-term decisions.
The following three things are where you begin to get some answers
Step #1: Find A Neutral Professional
When you sit with a professional who specializes in relationships, they’ll quickly be able to understand all of the complex dynamics that play into your situation and know exactly what needs to be done first. Because they’re neutral and unbiased, they don’t get distracted by the emotional baggage that can cloud decision making.
A professional couple’s counselor will work with your marriage’s best interest in mind. Instead of taking sides, they will help you and your spouse make decisions that are best for your family.
Step #2: Use A Tested Framework
Crisis couple’s counseling is like an ER room. The counselor listens and assess the injured parties sitting in his office and begins to triage the situation. He starts to get a clear picture of what needs to be addressed first so that everyone can escape the intense pain.
Once things are stabilized, the counselor then starts to systematically go through the rest of the relationship to make sure nothing else got missed that may cause bigger problems later on.
Step #3: Use The Framework Yourself
A good couple’s counselors will be able to show or explain the process they’re using with the ultimate goal of teaching you how to use the framework for yourself. Basically, good couple’s counselors are actively working themselves out of a job.
I tell clients that I’m just a glorified Home Depot worker. You come in because your marriage isn’t livable anymore and you need to rebuild it. The only tool you’ve had to this point is a rusty screwdriver. I get to introduce you to all sorts of new tools that work much much better. You’ll have to USE the tools yourself. No one else is going to rebuild your relationship. But with the proper training and encouragement, that process can be remarkably rewarding.
Schedule Your Appointment
If you’d like to schedule an appointment with me, give me a call at 503-863-4074. I’ll ask you a few questions to understand your situation a little better, and then we’ll find a time that will work with everyone’s schedule.
Online Marriage Resources
If you want to get started right away, I’ve built an online resource so couples to get a jump start on some of the foundational principles of healthy relationships. You can check it out by clicking here.