I have lots of books in my office. But there are a few books that never seem to make it off my desk and back onto the shelf because I refer to them so often. I mentioned one of those books, No More Mr. Nice Guy, in a posts a few days ago. The other book that seems to have a permanent spot on my desk is The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken.
I’ve been reading the sections on family systems, shame, abuse, and neglect lately and I’ve trying to put together a post describing each one. I’ve been wanting to put the concepts into my own words but find myself not being able to improve on the clarity and directness of Nakken. So… below are a few important thoughts, in Nakken’s own words.
“Whether to trust or not is a question that gets answered early in our lives, and is learned within our homes. It’s part of the language we learn; it’s part of the worldview we are given. When the time comes to leave our homes, we usually look for people who share the same worldview and who speak the same language.”
“To develop as a child one needs input, interaction, and nurturing. In neglectful families, children don’t get this. They take up space, but they never know if they are important. The self inside such people becomes underdeveloped.”