When a child is born into this world they are totally dependent. They need someone else to provide food, shelter, and attention. Children are also ego-centric. This means that they believe that they are the center of the universe and everything is about them. They truly believe that they are the cause of everything that happens around them. When you combine these two facts you start to understand how someone starts to see the world.
When the basic needs are not met in a child they do not have the capacity to understand that other circumstances might be responsible. Their ego-centricness causes them to believe that it is their fault—that they are the cause of their own pain. The common sense logic of a child then tells them that they are somehow flawed because they are not getting what they need. This belief that they are flawed is called Toxic Shame. Toxic Shame is the belief that one is inherently bad, defective, different, or unlovable. Shame can be carried for a life time and shape almost every aspect of a person’s life.