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In the entire Affinitas series, if I could spend more time on one subject, it would be this one—How to have a better relationship with yourself.
So many people believe you have to be critical of yourself, berate yourself, put yourself down, or be extra critical of yourself in order to be a good person.
In reality, these things end up causing more damage than help.
Focusing On The How
There is a ton of information on WHY to love yourself and WHAT it looks like, but there is very little good information on HOW to actually change those beliefs. Why is that? I’m convinced it’s because most people don’t actually know how to change those things.
The common how-to’s are “try to talk yourself into liking yourself better” or “Just accept yourself.”
All of those things may work later on, but there is a more important factor at work.
The Belief Level
What we want and need is easy to describe. “I want to be happier.” “I want more friends.” “I want to like myself better.”
But there is a deeper level where your beliefs about yourself and your world shape what you actually do in life. You may want more friends, but if your beliefs are telling you, “But no one would really want you around” then you ‘re going to be living out that truth in your life.
If you don’t change on the belief level, then real, long-lasting change will never happen.
How To Change The Belief Level
Most of your beliefs about life were shaped before the ages of 5 or 6. They were shaped by the experiences you had. The things that you view as “real” and “true” are actually your interpretations of the events at the time and may not actually be true.
When you start to question your reality, then you start to be open to changing your self-limiting beliefs. And once you’re open to new ideas and realities, all sorts of things change and become different for you.
Now, after you become open to challenging your reality, you need to start giving yourself different experiences. After all, it was experiences that shaped you in the first place and it will be new, different, better experiences that help shape your new reality about yourself.
What Next
I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts and comments on how to change your relationship with yourself. Please leave a comment here or on iTunes. If you want to subscribe to the podcast and hear the entire series, click here.
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